Michigan's Brady Hokeon one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
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What does the average U of M player get on his SATs?

Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a sophomore course.
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How did the Michigan football player die from drinking milk?

The cow fell on him.
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Two U of M football players were walking in the woods.  One of them said, "Look, a dead bird." The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
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A University of Michigan football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.

He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse. ___________________________________________

What do you say to a University of Michigan football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."
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If three U of M football players are in the same car, who is driving?

The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Michigan football player has a girlfriend?

There's tobacco juice on both sides of the
pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Michigan cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week;