LEAD STORY

Martha Padgett gave birth to quadruplets in Riverside, Calif., in July, but she only did half the work. The other two babies were born to her partner, Karen Wesolowski, using Padgett's eggs and the same sperm donor, and whose two came along 22 hours after Padgett's two. The women carried two fertilized eggs each only because they had failed five times before with in-vitro fertilization and just wanted to improve the odds of having at least one child between them. [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-30-08]

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Latest Religious Messages
"Someone's getting a new spinal cord tonight!" yelled Canadian tent-revival preacher Todd Bentley in July during his crusade in Lakeland, Fla. (also telecast on GodTV and the Internet), according to an Associated Press observer. Miracles are "popping like popcorn," he promised, punctuating each hands-on salvation with an Emeril-type "Bam!" His unorthodoxy extends to sometimes roughing up the afflicted, he admits, because that's what God tells him to do, e.g., kneeing a "cancer patient" in the stomach, banging a crippled woman's leg on a platform. Anyone in need of healing should, Bentley shouts often, "come and get some!" [Naples Daily News-AP, 7-10-08]

The most popular UK Hindu temple east of London appears to be the spare bedroom of Sushila Karia and her husband, Dhirajlal, in a quiet, residential neighborhood in the resort town of Clacton-on-Sea. On holy days, the line of pilgrims extends down the hall and stairs, through the living room, out the door and across the lawn, according to a May report in London's Daily Mail. The temple, inaugurated 29 years ago to save Hindus the 90-mile round trip to London, contains 17 marble gods that were specially blessed for the occasion by priests in India. [Daily Mail (London), 5-29-08]

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Cultural Diversity
France's Council of State turned down an otherwise-acceptable petition for citizenship by a French Moroccan woman in July, on the ground that her total submission to her husband makes her "insufficient(ly)" "assimilat(ed)" into the country's ethos of gender equality. The 32-year-old Muslim veils her entire body in public except for a narrow slit for the eyes and, for example, rejects the idea of voting, in that such matters should be left entirely to the discretion of her husband and male relatives. [International Herald Tribune-Reuters, 7-11-08]

"The days of the ceramics trade here are numbered," lamented Francisco Figueriredo, 68, and the specific ceramics trade of his region (Portugal's Caldas da Rainha) happens to be ornamental penises. For more than 30 years, Figueriredo and his wife have been two of a small number of craftspeople who have shaped and molded various models for export (e.g., mugs with penis extensions, penis-shaped bottles, ceramic soccer figures with penises peeking out from under flags). A July Reuters dispatch attributed the decline to a general loss in the provocativeness of public sexual displays. [Reuters, 7-4-08]

The government of France announced that, starting next year, it will regulate the booming business of country-western line dancing, by, among other measures, requiring licenses of teachers, after 200 hours' instruction. Inexplicably, at least 100,000 people in the country line dance weekly, and the popularity is growing, according to a May dispatch in The Times of London. A French Dance Federation official said he guesses the preference of line dancing over square dancing is the French preference for no physical contact. [The Times (London), 5-31-08]

Questionable Judgments: Dr. Frederick Lobati, 47, was charged last year with felony abuse of his daughter in Ozark, Mo., but in June 2008 offered the defense that, being of African heritage, he was merely applying a "konk" (a bare-knuckle punch), which is an acceptable punishment in his culture. [Springfield News-Leader, 6-24-08]

In June, the High Court in Johannesburg granted the request by a Chinese civil rights organization to switch Chinese South Africans from "caucasian" (as they were during apartheid) to "black" (which would allow them to better qualify for government benefits). [BBC News, 6-18-08]

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Scenes of the Surreal
The president of Japan's Osakana Planning Co. told attendees of the Japanese Seafood Show in July that his tuna makes superior sushi because his company administers acupuncture to each fish prior to its death, in order to reduce stress. [The Times (London), 7-25-08]

A Welsh oil painting, "Newport Nudes," which was mothballed 60 years ago for being too brazen for public display because the model is naked, drew fresh criticism when reintroduced in July at a public gallery in Wales but this time only because the naked model is holding a cigarette. [The Times (London), 7-23-08]

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Schemes
Boston fire inspector Albert Arroyo, on tax-free disability since March ("totally and permanently disabled," wrote his physician) from an unwitnessed on-the-job injury, apparently heroically overcame his condition and six weeks later finished eighth in the 2008 Pro Natural American bodybuilding championship. Said his lawyer, James Dilday, time in the gym was actually a way for Arroyo to get his mind off his depression at being forced to take early retirement at age 46. (A Boston Globe investigation in January found 102 firefighters with mostly questionable job injuries, taking full retirement, with some manipulating paperwork to retire at a higher grade than when they were "injured.") [Boston Globe, 7-14-08]

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The Weirdo-Australian Community
Rodney McLagan, 48, acknowledged that a few pornographic images of children might have been among the 31,000 that he had downloaded from the Internet, but that he has never had a sexual interest in children. Rather, almost all of the images are of adults having sex with animals. As his lawyer pointed out in court in Hobart, Australia, in July, McLagan has such low self-esteem that he considers himself, too, a "beast." Included in the sex collection were dogs, ponies, snakes, tigers and, in one case, an octopus. [Mercury (Hobart), 7-4-08]

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Least Competent Criminals
In June, police in Spokane, Wash., arrested Calvin Robinson, 19, who had set up inside the lockable family restroom at a mall because he needed an electrical outlet to run the color printer he had just bought for $100 (in real money) in order to make counterfeit $10 bills. Police recovered a sheet of uncut, poorly made copies, which Robinson said he had intended to use to buy "90 dollars" worth of marijuana. [Spokesman-Review (Spokane), 6-6-08]

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Update
In 2001, News of the Weird noted Hong Kong jeweler Lam Sai-wing's monument to excess, the solid-gold bathroom (including flushable toilet), built as a tribute to Vladimir Lenin's critique of capitalism's wastefulness. ("(W)e shall use gold," wrote Lenin, "for the purpose of building public lavatories in the streets of some of the largest cities in the world.") Lam later added more fixtures, furniture and statues to his display, using a total of six tons of 24-carat gold. However, the world economy is different now, as Lam noted in a July Wall Street Journal profile, with gold that cost around $200 an ounce in 1999 now valued at nearly $900. He has decided to begin melting down the entire structure, except for the toilet, that is. "I don't care if gold hits $10,000 an ounce," he said. "I'm not melting (that) down." [Wall Street Journal, 7-7-08]

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The Jesus and Virgin Mary World Tour (all new!)
Recent Playdates: Salt Lake City, July (image of Jesus in a three-gallon container of spumoni at an ice cream shop); Salinas, Calif., July (image of Mary in the floor drain of a restaurant undergoing renovation); Monterey, Calif., May (image of Mary in the leg wound of a biker who slid 50 feet along the pavement when he lost control of his motorcycle); Darlington, England, April (image of Jesus in the foil wrapping on a bottle of cider served at the Tanners Hall pub); Lorain, Ohio, April (image of Jesus in a woman's ultrasound picture); Iowa City, Iowa, May (joint appearance of Jesus and Mary on a plastic bag used to bring home groceries from Wal-Mart). Salt Lake City: [KSL-TV (Salt Lake City), 7-10-08] Salinas: [KGTV (San Diego), 7-28-08] Monterey: [WLBZ-TV (Bangor, Maine), 5-7-08] Darlington: [Daily Mail (London), 5-1-08] Lorain: [WBRC-TV (Birmingham, Ala.), 4-28-08] Iowa City: [Iowa City Press-Citizen, 5-22-08]

LEAD STORY

Brother Cesare Bonizzi, 62, of a Capuchin Friars monastery near Milan, Italy, is the lead singer in a heavy-metal band that recently released its second album, "Misteri" ("Mysteries"), following a successful performance at Italy's "Gods of Metal" festival (headlined by Iron Maiden and, ironically, Judas Priest). On stage, the white-flowing-bearded Brother Cesare booms out gritty but non-proselytizing lyrics while wearing his traditional brown robe. He told BBC News in July that his superiors have never interfered with his sideline and that he plans to send a copy of the new album to the pope. "He's a music lover, and metal is music." [BBC News, 7-18-08]

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The Entrepreneurial Spirit!
High Point University (just south of Greensboro, N.C.) is not quite Club Med ("Club Ed," it was called by the Chronicle of Higher Education) but provides free ice cream for students, a hot tub in the middle of campus, wake-up calls and a concierge service, all run by a campus "director of WOW," whose job it is to thrill the "clients" and attract new ones. This is the strategy of President Nido Qubein, a motivational speaker and "customer comes first" businessman, and so far, enrollment is way up (even at higher tuition), new construction is transforming the campus, and $100 million is in the bank. [Chronicle of Higher Education, 7-4-08]

Challenging New Products: stilettos for toddlers (though with soft heels), from Bellevue, Wash., designer Britta Bacon, selling recently in Toronto for $39.95 (Cdn) a pair; and [The Star (Toronto), 6-13-08]

a rotating ice cream cone on which the scoop gently revolves counter-clockwise, so that lazy people merely stick their tongues out and need not actively lick (sold by Kitchen Craft in the UK). [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-10-08]

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Leading Economic Indicators
The U.S. government's $100 billion stimulus distributed to taxpayers this spring achieved mixed results, according to economists, but at least the Internet pornography industry flourished (according to a July trade association spokesman). Adult Internet Market Research Co. reported that "20 to 30 percent" of "adult" Web sites reported that sales rose during the time checks were being issued. However, Nevada brothels were suffering, even though Hof's Bunny Ranch ran a stimulus-check special: Hand over your $600 check and get the usual $1,200 "party" ("three girls and a bottle of champagne"). [AIMR press release, 7-2-08] [Newsweek, 6-16-08]

A July Los Angeles Times investigation revealed that professional fundraisers keep so much of the money donated to charity by conscientious, generous-minded people that 430 different California charities over the last 10 years got not one penny of the contributions. In fact, in 337 cases, the charity paid an additional fee on top of getting nothing back (but did come away with the donors' names and addresses, for further solicitation). Philanthropy watchdogs say fundraisers should never keep more than 35 cents on the dollar, but the Times found the overall average was 54 cents, and for missing-children charities, fundraisers kept 86 cents. (Fundraisers for an organization called Citizens Against Government Waste kept 94 cents.) [Los Angeles Times, 7-6-08]

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Frontiers of Science
A 10-year-old British boy had such a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder that he was overwrought with guilt that he had caused the Sept. 11 World Trade Center attacks, in that he had not been able that day to make his ritual step upon a particular mark in the street. Writing in June in the journal Neurocase, psychologists at University College London said the boy recovered only when they convinced him that the attacks had already started by the time he would have made his usual step. [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-28-08]

Many nations are exploring how to curb cattle's release of the greenhouse gas methane, including altering cows' diets to reduce flatulence (which requires monitoring the gas compositions from the old and new diets). To collect the gas for measurement (according to a July report in London's Daily Telegraph), researchers at Argentina's National Institute of Agricultural Technology rigged a large plastic tank to the cow's back, with a tube to the backside to directly capture each emission. (The alternative, researchers pointed out, would require a human to follow a cow around with plastic bags.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-9-08]

Higher-Order Animal Research: Britain's Sea Life Centre announced a study in July that would give octopuses Rubik's Cubes to play with, to ascertain whether they use a certain tentacle for such activities, or any tentacle at random. [Daily Mail (London), 7-7-08]

Writing in the journal Nature in July, a team of University of Oregon biologists showed that roundworms do "calculus"-type computations, using chemosensory neurons, to determine how to find food or avoid trouble. [Science Daily, 7-3-08]

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One Obsessive American
Sam Bloomfield, 58, grew up poor on Tonga but arrived here in 1976 and says he has tried to show his gratitude ever since, according to a July 4 profile in his hometown Herald of Everett, Wash. He has tattooed "God Bless America" under his left eye, "Land of the Free" under his right eye and a large "USA" across his forehead, and last year underwent another 15 painful hours with the needle to cover the rest of his face with stars and stripes resembling an American flag so that he can toast his beloved country in the mirror every morning. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer-Everett Herald, 7-4-08]

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Least Competent Corrections Department
In July, convicted drug dealer Marcus Anderson opened the door of the Corrections Department van taking him to court, climbed out and walked away into downtown Baltimore. It was an ordinary van without a prisoner cage and whose driver had no gun, handcuffs, phone or radio (because Anderson had arrived late at the pick-up point for the regular prisoner van). An exasperated Judge Charles Bernstein later asked whether the driver had given him bus tokens, too. "If I were a young enterprising criminal," said the judge, "I'd come to Baltimore to set up my practice. This is the place to be. This is the Promised Land." [Baltimore Sun, 7-3-08]

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Update
"Brain fingerprinting," reported in News of the Weird in 2000 and 2003 from the experimental work by former Harvard research associate Lawrence Farwell, achieved a breakthrough in July in India, when two murder suspects were convicted based in part on that technology. Though Farwell's theory is somewhat different, the "Brain Electrical Oscillation Signature" used in Mumbai operates on a similar principle, that a different brain area activates when one recalls an actual experience than when one recalls something he merely learned about. Thus, in the India cases, neurologists concluded that the defendants either were present at the murder scene or had actually looked for or transported the murder weapon (and not that they had just read or been told about those facts). [The Times of India, 7-21-08]

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News That Sounds Like a Joke
After complaints by neighbors, police went to an apartment in Framingham, Mass., in July to quell a raucous screaming match between two women who, it turns out, are deaf. [MetroWest Daily News (Framingham), 7-15-08]

In Crawley, England, in July, police were called to a supermarket to break up a fight between two grandmothers, who were ramming each other in their mobility scooters. [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-10-08]

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The Aristocrats!
Donald Seigfried, 55, and Diane Whalen, 54, were arrested in June and face several charges based on the more than 200 homemade videos police found featuring Whalen having sex with various dogs. Police were alerted after Whalen's son found the evidence of his mom in action. [The Oklahoman, 6-26-08]

In June, a woman walking in a parking lot near Fort Walton Beach, Fla., with her two children was nearly struck by a car, but gently approached the driver to let her know the kids were unhurt. Inexplicably, the driver erupted, and when the woman tried to calm her by offering her a church brochure, the furious driver grabbed it, pulled her own pants down, and, according to a police report, "wipe(d) her female anatomy" with it (as the mother shielded her children's eyes). [Northwest Florida Daily News, 6-10-08]

LEAD STORY

Among President Sarkozy's recent moves to trim the size of the French government was the layoff of half of the 165 physiotherapists at the taxpayer-funded National Baths of Aix-les-Bains. The pink-slipped masseurs warn that the country's health will be at risk if people are unable to get the mud wraps, thermal baths and deep-tissue massages covered by national health insurance (along with subsidized transportation and lodging for the visits). In fact, 27 of the physiotherapists immediately went on sick leave for depression. Among Sarkozy's other targets of government bloat, according to a July Wall Street Journal dispatch: figuring out why France employs 271 diplomats in India but more than 700 in Senegal. [Wall Street Journal, 7-8-08]

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Compelling Explanations
Edward Defreitas, 36, was arrested in Toms River, N.J., in June and accused of causing a three-vehicle collision that injured two men in a car and sent two others (paramedics riding in an ambulance) to the hospital. Defreitas told police that he had been drinking and had decided to drive around until he sobered up: "He (said he) was afraid to go home and his mother finding alcohol on his breath." [Asbury Park Press, 6-11-08]

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The Litigious Society
School custodian Anthony Gower-Smith, 73, was awarded the equivalent of about $75,000 in June in London's High Court after suing Britain's Hampshire County government when he hurt himself falling off a 6-foot stepladder. Gower-Smith claimed that he had not been properly "trained" on how to use it, despite his long-time experience with such ladders, and despite his signed acknowledgment that he had indeed received training, and despite his having blamed himself just after he fell. (He disavowed the self-blame by saying that, at the time, he was woozy and didn't remember what he said.) [Daily Telegraph, 6-16-08; BBC News, 6-27-08]

Shannon Hyman, now 24, filed a lawsuit in July against the Green Iguana Bar & Grill in St. Petersburg, Fla., for medical bills and lost wages when she was badly burned four years ago drinking a "flaming shot" of Bacardi 151-proof rum (which normally is consumed without incident, but Hyman had spit out the drink, spreading flames to her head and upper torso). Hyman told the Tampa Tribune: "I'm suing because I should not have been let in (because she was under 21 at the time). If I weren't let in, none of the events would have happened." [Tampa Tribune, 7-16-08]

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Ironies
In July, the new smoking ban for bars and restaurants in the Netherlands took effect, but it won't curtail patrons' right to smoke marijuana in Amsterdam's coffee shops (where they can buy up to 5 grams a day to smoke on the premises). And, just as the ban became law, the Dutch special-effects company Rain Showtechniek began selling bars a machine (for the equivalent of about $900) that, for nostalgia, replicates the scent of traditional, cigarette-smoked air (but which does not damage health or linger in clothing or hair.) [USA Today, 6-27-08] [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-14-08]

Not Quite Rehabilitated: A prominent anti-drug motivational speaker, who uses his own sordid life story to inspire troubled kids to turn their lives around, was arrested in May and charged with attempted murder after allegedly shooting at his girlfriend and an old buddy from prison following a long evening of alcohol and methamphetamines. Said the prosecutor in Isanti County, Minn., of the rampage by Russell Simon Jr., 45, "We're lucky we don't have a multiple homicide on our hands." [Star-Tribune-AP, 5-23-08]

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I Demand My Rights!
Murder suspect Broderick Laswell, 19, filed a lawsuit in federal court in April against the Benton County (Ark.) Jail, alleging that he was being "literally" "starved to death" while awaiting trial, and complaining of "blurry" vision and of almost passing out. As evidence of his plight, Laswell pointed out that, in eight months behind bars, his weight had dropped from 413 pounds to 308. [Morning News (Fayetteville), 4-25-08]

It's Good to Be a British Prisoner (continued): In June, Abu Qatada, a cleric described as one of Europe's most dangerous terror proselytizers, was released from jail, where he has been awaiting deportation (for three years) to Jordan and confined to his home in London. British courts refuse to deport him because, when Jordan tries him on serious terrorism charges, it might possibly use evidence obtained by torture of Abu Qatada's colleagues. Thus, he will remain in Britain, under heavy guard (estimated to cost the equivalent of $1 million a year), in his tax-abated home with his wife and five children, who receive the equivalent of about $90,000 a year in welfare benefits. (Abu Qatada himself receives the equivalent of $16,000 a year from the government, for a previous back injury.) [Daily Mail (London), 7-10-08]

A U.S. Court of Appeals ruled in July that officials at a junior high school in Safford, Ariz., should not have strip-searched a 13-year-old girl when all they wanted was to see if she was carrying ibuprofen. However, her "right" to privacy carried the day among the judges by only 6-5, as the dissenters pointed out that it was, after all, prescription-strength ibuprofen they were after and that officials proceeded based on information from an "informant." (The majority apparently holds junior-high-age "informants" in lower regard.) [Arizona Daily Star, 7-12-08]

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People With Issues
At the time that Alan Patton, 56, of Columbus, Ohio, made News of the Weird in 2006, he had already been consuming boys' urine for 40 years, he said, and a 2007 jail sentence has had no apparent deterrent effect. He was arrested in June 2008 (and twice since then), accused of turning off the water in a recreation center restroom and placing plastic wrap inside the bowl to catch the nectar that, he says, enables him to "become part of their youth." While no Ohio law prohibits collecting or drinking others' urine, Patton violates his almost-perpetual probation by visiting any public restroom. [Columbus Dispatch, 7-19-08]

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Least Competent Criminals
In the course of burglarizing Yaakov Kanelsky's apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y., in July, Victor Marin, 20, accidentally left his wallet (containing ID, credit cards and photos) on the bed. After Kanelsky arrived home and called 911, Marin returned and knocked on the front door. From the hallway, he begged for his billfold back and began shoving Kanelsky's money under the door, hoping to persuade him to trade. Unfortunately for Marin, $92 of his $217 cash haul was in $1 bills, and the crack under the door was tiny. Marin was still busy stuffing money in by the time police arrived. [New York Post, 7-14-08]

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Update
In July in Brisbane, the Indian-born surgeon known in Australia as "Dr. Death," Jayant Patel, was freed on bail on manslaughter charges, which seems inexplicable since he had fled to the U.S. in 2005 to avoid the charges and only recently had been extradited. Patel's medical license had been revoked in New York and Oregon before he became head of surgery in a short-staffed Australian hospital in 2003 (a job for which a background check was not performed). While Patel was there, at least 17 of his patients died under preventable circumstances, and some nurses said they took to hiding their patients from Patel, who was quoted by one nurse as saying, "Doctors don't get germs." He was also charged with falsifying patient records. [Agence France-Presse, 7-20-08; New York Times, 11-22-06]

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Things You Thought Didn't Happen
People would hardly expect a brawl at the Guilford (Maine) Historical Society, but in May, member Al Hunt, who was irate that rare photographs of the town had been loaned to a local restaurant, might have bumped against the society's secretary, Zarvin Shaffer. According to witnesses, Shaffer then punched Hunt in the face, Hunt's wife grabbed a chair, and Shaffer's son yanked Mrs. Hunt away by her hair. [Bangor Daily News, 5-29-08]

In April, the Sycamore (Ill.) City Council voted to quadruple the fine for overstaying a parking meter (from 25 cents to $1). The city's 360 meters themselves will remain at a penny for 12 minutes, a nickel for an hour and a dime for two hours. [Daily Chronicle (DeKalb, Ill.), 5-22-08]

LEAD STORY

The European Union allows fruits and vegetables to be sold only in prescribed sizes and colors (such as its 35 pages of regulations governing 250 varieties of the apple, or rules that cucumbers must be straight and bananas curved). In June, British marketer Tim Down complained that he was forced to discard 5,000 kiwi fruit because they were 1 millimeter in diameter too small and one-fourth ounce too light. (It is illegal even to give them away, as that would undermine the market price.) "Improvements" in the EU system continue, according to a July Washington Post dispatch from Brussels: Despite 10 pages of standards on the onion and 19 amendments, the Dutch Ministry of Agriculture recently issued a report urging further refinements, using 29 pages and 43 photographs. [Washington Post, 7-8-08; Daily Mail (London), 6-27-08]

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Great Art!
Artist Michael Fernandes' exhibit in Halifax, Nova Scotia, in June caused a commotion because it was merely a banana on a gallery's window sill, and Fernandes had it priced at $2,500 (Cdn) (down from his original thought, $15,000). Actually, Fernandes changed bananas every day (eating the old one), placing progressively greener ones out to demonstrate the banana's transitoriness. "We (humans) are also temporal, but we live as if we are not," he wrote. Despite the steep price, two collectors placed holds on the "work," requiring the gallery's co-owner, Victoria Page, to get assurance from callers. "It's a banana; you understand that it's a banana?" [Globe and Mail (Toronto), 7-2-08]

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Government in Action!
In May, the school board in Barrie, Ontario, notified Children's Aid Society to intervene with mother Colleen Leduc and her daughter Victoria, 11, because of suspected sexual abuse, angering the conscientious Leduc, who until that point had taken extraordinary measures to protect the girl, who is autistic. Upon investigation, it was revealed that the suspicion came from a teaching assistant who said her psychic had told her that a girl with a "V" in her name was being abused by a man aged 23 to 26. Leduc now refuses to trust Victoria to public schools because "they might want to take out a Ouija board or hold a seance." [National Post (Toronto), 6-19-08]

The June transfer of a prisoner from lockup to Britain's Northampton Crown Court, just across the street, required summoning the closest prison van (57 miles away) to come give him a ride. The prisoner (accused thief Mark Bailey) could not simply be walked across the street because officials feared that public, custodial exposure (a "perp walk") would embarrass him, in violation of his "human rights." [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-6-08]

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors has a longstanding policy of not co-operating with the federal government's enforcement of immigration laws, but in June that stance abruptly backfired, according to a San Francisco Chronicle report. Illegal immigrants who are minors and who committed felonies such as drug-trafficking in San Francisco have not been bound over for federal deportation but have either been quietly flown home, with an escort, at city expense, or placed in California group homes. In June, when San Bernardino County officials realized that one of its youth group homes contained drug dealers, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom halted the program and promised the city would improve its relationship with immigration officials. [San Francisco Chronicle, 6-29-08; Los Angeles Times, 7-2-08]

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Police Blotter
Police, including SWAT officers, were called to an apartment in Mesa, Ariz., in June after neighbors reported a fight between a man and woman that included yelling and breaking things inside. When they arrived, they found only a 21-year-old man, conducting the fight by himself, alternating a high-pitched voice with a low-pitched one. He was referred for a medical exam. [Arizona Republic, 7-1-08]

Need for Speed: Ontario's recent law against street-racing snared two noteworthy drivers in April: a 26-year-old man who was cited when he passed a marked police car while doing 178 km/hr (106 mph) and the driver of a garbage truck, racing at 112 km/hr (double the posted speed limit). [Canwest News Service (Toronto), 4-24-08]

A 3-year-old girl was seriously injured in Huntsville, Ala., in May in a collision caused, said witnesses, by a speeding contest between two men, both employees of Comcast Corp., driving company vans. [WAFF-TV (Huntsville), 5-13-08]

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Questionable Judgments
In March, a jury acquitted the former parking manager for Fresno, Calif., Bob Madewell, of all misuse-of-funds charges, including one count for reducing the minor league baseball Grizzlies' parking fees in exchange for tickets for his brother and himself, and another count in which he paid a female worker $300 in city funds to let him touch her breasts. Juror Trish Riederer, in an interview with the Fresno Bee, said she and her fellow jurors believe that Madewell did everything that prosecutors say he did but that the city did not have clear procedures in place about Madewell's scope of authority. [Fresno Bee, 3-14-08]

Teachers Out of Control: Fifth-grade teacher Susan Romanyszyn, 45, was arrested in Bucks County, Pa., in January and charged with 17 counts of threatening bombings and gun violence after she was assigned to teach fourth grade, instead. [Bucks County Courier Times, 1-31-08]

Sixth-grade teacher Roshondra Sipp of Jackson, Miss., aroused parents' ire in May for forcing the class to vote on who among them would be most likely to die young or get pregnant while still in school or get HIV or go to jail. Then, Sipp posted the results, enraging parents whose little charmers made the lists. [Clarion-Ledger (Jackson), 5-15-08]

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Creme de la Weird
"(A) person with a sneeze fetish can find erotic pleasure in those few seconds," according to the ABC News Medical Unit, in an April report, when "the eyes close as the body prepares to forcefully expel air," but "experts are stumped as to why." An Internet "sneeze fetish forum" allows members to wax rhapsodic ("She has the cutest sneeze ever") and recall pleasurable experiences (such as the thrill of discovering that one's new college roommate has allergies and will be sneezing frequently), and many use language and suggest visions that mimic sexual behaviors. [ABC News, 4-18-08]

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Least Competent Criminals
Failure to Communicate: The man who tried to rob the Cafe Treo in Salt Lake City in April likely told the employee to "fill" the bag, but when the employee reached over and earnestly started to "feel" the bag (according to police), the robber said, "You've gotta be kidding me" and ran out of the store. [KSL-TV (Salt Lake City), 4-11-08]

Another man who came away empty-handed had tried to rob a Walgreens in Port Richey, Fla., in July, handing a clerk what appeared to be a holdup note, except that nothing was written on it. The clerk, sensing the forgetful robber's cluelessness, boldly dialed 911 right in front of him, causing the man to flee. [St. Petersburg Times, 7-11-08]

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Recurring Themes
Ronald McDade, charged with raping a teenager in Lansdale, Pa., in January, petitioned to be allowed to submit a plaster cast of his penis to the jury, to demonstrate that, since he is an "extremely large" man (according to his lawyer), he could not physically have penetrated the girl without causing genital injury (and no such injury was found). News of the Weird has reported previously on rape defendants offering to give the jury either a photograph, or a live exhibition, to make the same point. [MSNBC-WCAU-TV (Philadelphia), 6-12-08]

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Thinning the Herd
An 18-year-old man was killed in March while riding in a shopping cart and holding onto an SUV racing down a Winter Park, Fla., street, when it hit a speed bump. [Tampa Tribune-AP, 3-10-08]

A 13-year-old skateboarder was killed in May at a railroad crossing in O'Fallon, Ill., when (according to police) he was unsuccessful in beating a train to the crossing. [KTVI-TV (St. Louis), 5-4-08]

An 18-year-old man was killed in June in Blaine, Wash., when the steamroller he was taking for a joyride at a construction site overturned and fell on top of him. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer-AP, 6-17-08]